Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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