Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
