I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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