You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
