Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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