Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
