is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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