im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
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I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
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Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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