i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
