She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
