yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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