Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
