I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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