she looked like the before picture.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
