FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
