there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
