you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
