I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
