And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
