no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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