she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
