Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
