So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Randomize
