Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He shit in the fireplace
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
