"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
