I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
