And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
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I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize