Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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