dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
