Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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