you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
