i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
