update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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