based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
