Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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