Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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