I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
