Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
