This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
