Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
