Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
