Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
