you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
