Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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