a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
