i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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