Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
