I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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