I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
