get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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