bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize