I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
