I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
