Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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