Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
