Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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