i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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