Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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