I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The adults are the big ones right?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
