you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
