You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
