weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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