Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
